Do Something

I have not written on this blog in years. I write in a journal or Facebook a lot because writing is an outlet for my thoughts. I over analyze life and feel life way too much. In fact, there are times that I can not shut my brain off from happenings around me. Praying and giving it to God gives me peace and answers lots of my questions. But the only way I can move on is to write it down. It is like I release it from being shut up in my brain.

So tonight I can not stop thinking about my mom. As Mother's Day approaches, I am feeling sad that she is not here. On May 7th, it will be 6 months since my mom was unexpectedly and very suddenly taken to heaven with no time to say good-bye. When this school year started, I never imagined my mom would not be here to see it come to a close.

My mom adored my boys and loved celebrating their milestones. Andrew just turned 17 and Christopher 14. Andrew just went to his first prom and Christopher just took his first date to a formal dance. Kevin just played in his first player pitch baseball game. And now Christopher is about to finish middle school and prepare for high school. And Andrew is about to become a senior and begin applying for college. I am wishing my mom was here to share in all these milestones.

I know my mom is in heaven smiling at my boys' lives right now. My mom wanted school to be easy and fun for my boys. Most importantly she wanted them to be loved on at school. I know she is smiling down at all the opportunities they have been given with their wonderful teachers and schools.

My mom taught for 33 years and many of those years were in tough situations. Tonight we went by the cemetery to switch out flowers from Easter to Mother's Day flowers. As we left the cemetery, there were a group of kids walking down the street that were in rag type clothes and not your typical kids my boys are use to being in school with. I explained to my boys that my mom taught children much like those that were walking tonight. My mom would take my brothers and my hand-me-downs to her students. She would also buy them soap, shampoo, tooth paste and tooth brushes. Teaching for my mom was more than just teaching students to read and write and do arithmetic. It was providing love and extra attention to those in need. My mom would tell me stories about her students that fell asleep in class and she would leave them asleep. She told me that this might be the only time they could get some sleep because many did not have a home life that provided for a good night sleep.

When I got older and understood the tough situation my mom was teaching in, I would tell her to go to a "better" school or get out of the classroom in a different position. She would let me know that she was where she needed to be to help these students. My mom was never into her looks or into her status in society. She just wanted to spend time with her family and do for her family. Once I became a mom I realized what she had sacrificed to do for her family.

After my mom passed away, I heard many stories from people about my mom. I heard stories of how she helped other teachers, what kind of teacher she was, how she spoke about her family and special memories they had with my mom. Losing my mom made me evaluate what my life would leave behind for people to talk about. Was I making a difference in other people's lives? For a while I have been feeling God pulling me back to teaching. I have been fighting the call. But recently I heard the call to "do something". I want to get back in the classroom and help students and to be there to make a difference. I see teaching as a mission field and a place to be God's hand and feet. Teachers don't have to pray and teach about Jesus for it to be a mission field. They just have to smile and encourage a child just as Jesus would. I want to "do something." I have heard from many teachers that this is not the time to get back into teaching. But I have to follow where God is sending me. And I am not sure what school He wants me at, but I will follow the call and see where He places me. I will have faith that He has the perfect teaching position to fulfill His call for my life.

A friend pointed out this song to me a few weeks ago. I had heard this song on the radio many times but I had not really "heard" the song until they sent it to me. This song inspires me and reminds me of my mom. My mom was the hands and feet of Christ while she was on earth. I never realized this when she was alive, but now that she is gone I see she "did something".